Tag: leadership

Scary Leaders…or Scared Leaders?

Posted on by Red Slice

Woooooooo! Halloween is just around the corner and decorations are already in our neighborhood. Not our house yet, mind you – we’re still settling into the new place. But this neighborhood takes its Halloween very seriously, which will be awesome for my son.

The ghouls, goblins and…. Gladiators? My son’s chosen costume this year. Will be out in full force, as will the spooky music, haunted houses, chills, and thrills.

We humans have this weird desire to scare ourselves for fun!

But fear and horror in the workplace is less desirable. And nothing can strike more fear into our hearts than…Dun Dun DUUUUUUNNNNN! Scary bosses!

I truly believe that most scary or ineffective leader have no self-awareness about how poorly they come across and how much psychological torture they influce. Unless hey are sadists, of course. And that’s because their negative behavior is almost always a result of their own fears.

Fear of losing control.

Fear of looking stupid.

Fear of failure.

Imposter syndrome

Fear of letting anyone see the real person inside. 

A former white nationalist turned speaker and anti-hate activist Arno Michaelis, who wrote the book My Life After Hate, and whose story I recently got a chance to learn and was so moved by, I’ve invited him on to the podcast, reminded me of the familiar adage: 

Hurt People Hurt People.

And that is never more true that for bad bosses.

They don’t realize that their attempts to look good and maintain control an command are ruining their chances of success. That when they create fear, anxiety, and stress it is anything but beneficial to competition – it actually neutralizes high performance.

Studies sow that when we are under perceived stress, it can cause lower cognitive scores and a faster rate of cognitive decline.  Some studies, like those cited by CNN, show how stress lowers cognitive function. Even after adjusting for many physical risk factors, people with elevated stress levels were 37% more likely to have poor cognition, the researchers found.

We literally can’t think straight when we’re operating under stress of fear. Our executive functions shut down. We can’t engage the parts of our brain that we need in our work when we’re in a constant state of flight, flight, or freeze.

Why on earth would a leader knowingly degrade their biggest assets- their people – in such a blatant way? Successful leaders want their teams to be operating at optimal capacity – to invent, problem solve,  create, innovate, remember important facts. All the things we need our frontal lobe to do!

If they would embrace empathy as a strategic advantage, they would see how their teams engagement, performance, and innovation would increase. They would be able to get the best out of the people they need to do the work! And those people could perform at levels that ultimately, would make the leader look good and advance their own goals.

Fear does not work for the long term. And it certainly doesn’t work for outperforming in challenging markets. 

I would advise any leaders out there who struggle to create strong connections with their teams – or those of you who recognize these bad behaviors in your own leaders to invest in empathy.

Open yourself up to a new way to lead and operate. Or risk falling way behind.  Be vulnerable in your journey to be a more empathetic leader – while still expecting high performance nad holding people accountable. But watch your people rise to the challenge, rather than get crushed under the negativity.

The goal is performance, right? So stop trying to scare the hell out of your people out of some underlying desire for respect or fear of failure. Examine your own emotional triggers and backstory and interrogate yourself with a curious mind. 

Could you find another way to operate, be more effective, and cause less harm?

I bet you could. If you’re willing to walk through that door. I promise, there won’t be some crazed maniac inside waiting to torture you like all the Halloween movies would have us believe. In this movie, I promise that what waits around that dark corner is actually a whole lof light!

Photo credit: Oxsana Melis on Unsplash

Brain Injury Recovery: Letting Go of the Past to Accelerate Success

Posted on by Red Slice

September is Brain Aneurysm Awareness Month. And August 4 was my 16 year “annie-versary” (as they call it) of surviving my own near-fatal brain aneurysm.

So many blessing to be thankful for. So many lessons learned.

In my  memoir Rebooting My Brain, I shared that my own worst obstacle was not about my cognitive deficits or any physical limitations. Not even my impaired eyesight at the time. It came from within ME.

My stubbornness in refusing to change and adapt. 

I kept trying to compare myself to the Old Me, to the baseline that existed before. “But before, I could do ….easier, faster, better! I just need to do it like that again!”

Until a very kind occupational therapist challenged me with tough love, saying, “Forget about what you used to do or how you used to be”  She challenged me to face what was  in front of me right now and figure out new strategies to get to my goals..

Once I stopped clinging to the past and embraced what was now in front of me, I found new ways to achieve my goals  – and I thrived. My progress accelerated.

And this is exactly what I’m seeing leaders doing now, in our post-pandemic workplaces. Leaders refusing to adapt. Leaders clinging to outdate models. Leaders return to what they know out of fear.

What does that look like? 

  • Demanding 5 days a week back in the office
  • Refusing to keep some of the flexibility they offered during the Pandemic
  • Cutting DEIB programs and budgets

And you can probably fill in more examples you’ve seen.

My empathy speaker work is about helping leadering understand how to adapt to the new paradigms of leadership and workplace culture. Once they do, their progress and success will accelerate,  just as it did for me!

However, here’s the plot twist:

Employees, you have agency, too. 

If you are lucky enough to have a leadership team who understands the benefits they get from offering flexibility and a more human-centered workplace,  great. But if you are not, YOU STILL GET TO MAKE A CHOICE. You deal with the new reality before you.

Stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – or culture, if you will.

If your organization’s business decisions no longer align with your values or lifestyle, you get to make a decision to adapt. 

The company is showing you who they are. They are allowed to do business however they see fit. Yes, even if it’s short-sighted, limiting, and will hurt them competitively in the long run. 

BU they are not required to change for you. A human-centered workplace does not equal a YOU-centered workplace, unfortunately. The company also has a responsibility to all its employees and customers to run sustainable, with governance and compliance as they see fit. 

So the choice is yours: 

Despite your best efforts to create change where you are, will you continue to defiantly cling to the flexibilities you used to have during the Pandemic. Or will you adapt to the reality before you and chart a new path? Find a new company or role that better aligns with your values and needs?

Once you do, your progress and success will accelerate.

PS, Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that not every worker has the luxury of just leaving an inflexible environment and finding a new job. But if you are able to in your industry or career, it may be time to adapt and move on in order to thrive.

Photo credit: Ankush Minda on Unsplash

What Empathy is and What it is Not

Posted on by Red Slice

We all agree empathy is a good idea. But not truly understanding what empathy is and what it isn’t gets in our way and causes more harm, burnout, and disconnection.

Empathy is NOT:

  • Being nice
  • Giving in
  • People pleasing
  • Making everybody happy
  • Avoiding hard truths to ensure comfort
  • Unanimous consensus (or satisfaction)
  • Hiding information
  • Doing someone’s work for them

Empathy is:

  • Listening
  • Getting curious
  • Knowing your triggers, strengths, and blindspots (and those of your team!)
  • Take a beat
  • Making space and time
  • Enabling everyone to have a voice as input (even if you make the final call)
  • Transparency in decisions, especially the tough ones
  • Letting go of ego or righteous indignation to see another’s point of view
  • Knowing that good ideas come from anywhere
  • Admitting when we don’t know the answer – and rallying others to bring their ideas forth
  • Having the tough conversation as soon as possible, with grace and respect
  • Making clear decisions…AND
  • …not being afraid to course correct if you’re proven wrong or get new information
  • Seeing the whole person, both inside and outside of work
  • Meeting people where they are
  • Creating moments of joy and levity, even when the work is hard

Empathy is not doing FOR. It’s being WITH.

How does empathy show up in your team or organization?

Photo credit: Desola Lanre-Ologun on Unsplash

How Joy Leads to Empathy, Performance and Success

Posted on by Red Slice

The book is coming! September 10 is the day that The Empathy Dilemma: How Successful Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries hits shelves to help leaders dedicated to people-centered practices to get the best performance possible balance the demands of the business with the needs of their people. Grab your free chapter at the link above!

Today, we’re diving into the last of the Five Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership: Joy. 

Probably my most head-turning one.  What the heck does joy have to do with empathy or high-performance? Quickly followed by, I’m awkward and not that funny!

To get you up to speed, the Five Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership are common traits and behaviors shared by the successful leaders I interview, research, speak to, and advise.. It’s how they balance people, performance, and personal boundaries with such grace and dexterity.

Joy is the fifth of the five pillars for effective and empathetic leadership in my upcoming book, The Empathy Dilemma: How Success Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries, coming September 10.

Let’s dig into it: Joy

What Is Joy?

Ensuring people enjoy their work, encouraging work friendships, and creating a thriving culture even when the work itself is challenging.

Why Is Joy Important?

A joyful work culture breeds trust to collaborate, innovate, and take risks. It empowers people to have each other’s backs. Multiple studies have shown that when people enjoy their work it leads to lower rates of turnover, higher productivity and engagement, increased company profits, and loyalty to the employer.

We all know we feel lighter, more buoyed by a work environment we like going back to. It’s basic common sense. If I enjoy my colleagues and feel safe and motivated in my environment, my work will reflect that. Now, joy does not mean every moment of work is joyful. I mean, I don’t particularly find find joy in client crisis or invoicing or budget spreadsheets (well, actually some of you might) But joy  – or levity, or camaraderie – as part of the empathetic culture equation means I can find joy in the work even when the work itself is not joyful. As it will inevitably get at certain points, or they wouldn’t call it work!

What does joy have to do with empathy, you may be thinking? When we create a joy-filled environment, people can relax, be themselves, and share themselves as human beings. This leads to better understanding and collaboration. If I get to know you through joy, I can understand where you’re coming from. I can forgive your bad days and you can forgive mine. We can learn to listen and see common ground because we have  shared positive experiences. All the ingredients of an empathetic culture.

How Does Joy Benefit Leaders?

• Joy reduces stress – we can show up and laugh, smile, bring a little levity to what can be hard work.

• Happy team members are easier to lead

• Fun environments foster trust and collaboration, which breeds innovation and high performance.

So, how can you incorporate more joy in your team and workplace culture?

Find and Encourage Humor: The ability to laugh at ourselves and to find humor in tough situations is a sure sign of resilience, which is just what healthy teams need. Things can and will go wrong, but when we stop taking ourselves so seriously, we can engage our prefrontal cortex to problem solve more effectively. No, you don’t have to be a comedian, or even force it, but letting people know it’s okay to laugh, share memes, or talk about the latest celebrity gossip while getting work  – all of that goes a long way to making work a place we want to be. Some great examples are in the book about how some leaders allow moments to organically arise and the team turns those into inside jokes or casual rituals. 

Learn Improv Skills to Nurture Creativity and Trust

Improv best practices can help teams collaborate in virtually any environment. Learning how to think on your feet, listen well and pass the ball, and yes, even laugh at the outcomes can unleash trust that leads to innovation.

Encourage Workplace Friendships

As someone who has met some of my lifelong best friends at work – and my husband, this one is my favorite. The old rules about your “work self”and your “personal self”have gone out the window. We are who we are and we bring who we are to work. I’m not saying let it all hang out or act crassly, but it’s okay to get personal. It should even be encouraged. Mountains of research indicate that having friends in the workplace doesn’t only boost job satisfaction and performance, it also improves wellness. It’s linked to a lower risk of burnout, improved mental health, and maybe even a longer life span, according to studies conducted across Europe and Israel. As a leader, it’s your role to foster a culture of warmth and connection so your team members know that work friendships are encouraged.

Make Meaningful Team-Building a Priority

One time long ago, I joined a rather soulless tech firm. With its drab brown cubicles, high walls, and quirky personalities, it truly channeled the movie Office Space when, in my first week, everyone was dragged to the conference room to sing happy birthday to an executive and it was utterly depressing!

No one wanted to be there.  I bet you’re thinking of a required Happy Hour or Ropes Course where you felt the same way.

Team-building has gotten a bad rep over the years as a cheesy, forced way to forge bonds, but when it’s done thoughtfully, it can totally transform interpersonal dynamics for the better. Before you pursue team-building, make sure that your internal culture is already serving the needs of your people. Team-building should be a source of shared joy, not a bandage slapped onto a festering cultural issue. Find ways to get everyone involved in suggesting activities, doing community service projects, and ensuring that a variety of options are accessible to everyone regardless of level, ability, neurodiversity, whether they have to get home to kids or not, recovering alcoholics, etc. When you can tie team building to your company mission, that is the best experience for everyone to forge bonds and get to know each other outside of work.

As I wind down on sharing the high level 5 Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership, I would like to make something crystal clear. 

These pillars are not the sole responsibility of the leader. 

It is not all on your shoulders to build up the pillars of self–awareness, self-care,clarity, decisiveness, and joy. These are pillars you can introduce, model, and cultivate an environment. But share the load with your team. Have them make suggestions, take on aspects that may be a challenging blind spot for you, and practice this with each other. I would hate for leaders to think I’m just adding more to their burden. When we talk about the 5 pillars that ensure effective empathetic leadership, yes, we are talking about your own personal pillars, but the team pillars can and should be strengthened and upheld by everyone.   Involve them in the process. Be transparent about what you’re trying to do and work on. Let them play a role so they have ownership and engagement. And when you do that, you will nurture an empathetic environment that flows in both directions!

To better understand these deceptively simple strategies in detail, please get a free chapter and buy your copy of The Empathy Dilemma for stories from leaders, and actionable tactics to put these strategies into practice.  These 5 pillars will transform how your team engages, performs, innovates, delivers for you and your customers.  

Photo Credit: Johnson Wang on Unsplash

How to Be More Decisive As a Leader

Posted on by Red Slice

Decisiveness is the fourth of the five pillars in my upcoming book, The Empathy Dilemma: How Success Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries.

What are the Five Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership?

These are common traits and behaviors seen over and over again in the successful empathetic leaders I interview, speak to, and advise. Even those who truly are empathetic, but don’t label themselves as such! The 5 pillars are a result of hundreds of podcast interviews, research, and data and are common threads across all those who are empathetic and high performing.

Let’s dig into the fourth one: Decisiveness

What Is Decisiveness? Taking thoughtful but swift action that doesn’t leave people hanging, addressing issues before they fester, synthesizing input and perspectives to make timely choices, and practicing radical and kind honesty.

Why Is Decisiveness Important? Keeping people in limbo is one of the least empathetic things a leader can do. It can feel risky to commit to decisions quickly, but dragging your feet to avoid hurt feelings will only erode trust. Addressing choices, performance issues, action plans, and pending questions as soon as possible is the most compassionate way to operate. Doing this shows your team members that you are paying attention and want them to know what to expect. It helps them fully understand what’s happening around them. Decisiveness helps leaders maintain team momentum, cultivate trust, and build a culture of open and consistent honesty.

Most empathetic leaders strive to hear and implement input from all their people. But sometimes endlessly soliciting everyone’s feedback for unanimous agreement can drive your team mad.

I share a story in the book about a brand story client I had way back when. The team was paralyzed and frustrated because the CEO would simply not make an important decision about distribution priority, which impacted who our brand story needed to primarily speak to and attract. In the name of wanting to solicit all perspectives, the CEO dragged his feet on making the decisions and by this point, the team was like, “Can we just decide and move forward already?!”

There is no one perfect decision that will please everyone. That’s not the goal. The goal is to know when you’ve gathered enough input to then make an informed call – and to communicate why that call was made back to everyone so they can understand how their ideas were considered and ask questions.

Here are six strategies to try to be more decisive and empathetic. 

More details, examples, and tactics to try can be found in The Empathy Dilemma, so don’t forget to snag your copy now!

  1. Revisit Your Goal and Purpose—Often

Much of the time, leaders can get caught up in the drama surrounding important decisions and lose sight of the goal. Ensure everyone is on the same page so when a decision is made, you can put it in context of the goal. This helps people understand that while their input is valuable, if it detracts from the goal, it may not be the right course of action. It also keeps you honest to not get caught up in people-pleasing.

  1. Practice Transparency

There’s no need to make all decisions in a secretive way and unveil them only when they are fully baked. Learn to be clearer quicker, and if possible, talk openly about the choices you’re making and have made. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know, but let’s find out together.” This ensures folks know what you considered and can trust you and the process.

  1. Solicit and Synthesize Input Quickly and Fairly

Become skilled at gathering facts and opinions, giving others a voice so they can point out opportunities or risks you may have missed, sorting through all the inputs, and coming to a conclusion. Be clear that once a decision is made, naysayers will be asked to disagree but commit. At a certain point, we’ve all got to move forward together and still be committed to the mission.

  1. Put a Deadline on Your Thoughts

Decisiveness isn’t only about making good choices; it’s about making good choices in a timely manner. If you tend to ruminate endlessly, you need a mechanism to get your- self unstuck, such as setting aside a block of time to make a decision, which is itself a task. Get in the habit of setting deadlines for decisions that trip you up. If it’s a small decision—say, picking a spot for a business lunch— give yourself a few hours. If it’s weightier—a big investment or strategic pivot—think more in terms of days or weeks.

  1. Build Trust

In an environment where trust has been cultivated and built, people are more willing to trust a leader’s decisions, even if it’s a tough decision for them to swallow. If your people don’t trust you, they’re less likely to think your decisions have been reached fairly, with everyone’s input and overall best interests in mind. This may not link directly to your own ability to make decisions as a leader, but it’s vitally important to ensure those decisions are accepted, instead of questioned and picked apart.

  1. Adopt a Design-Thinking Approach

Design thinking asks us to experiment and try things out to see if they will fly in the real world. If you force yourself to consider every option until you’re sure you’ve selected the

“perfect” one, you may never make a decision for fear of being wrong. Perfection isn’t the goal, even when it comes to high- stakes choices. Don’t succumb to analysis paralysis. Instead, gather input, decide, and move forward with a sense of curiosity and experimentation.

To better understand these deceptively simple strategies in detail, please check out The Empathy Dilemma for stories from leaders, and actionable tactics to put these strategies into practice. 

These 5 pillars of empathetic leadership outlined in the book will transform how your team engages, performs, innovates, delivers for you and your customers.  

Check out more about the book here: www.TheEmpathyDilemma.com.

Photo Credit: Daniele Levis Pelusi on Unsplash

How Does Clarity Lead to Empathetic Leadership

Posted on by Red Slice

Clarity is the third of the five pillars in my upcoming book, The Empathy Dilemma: How Success Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries.

What are the Five Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership?

These are common traits and behaviors seen over and over again in the successful empathetic leaders I interview, speak to, and advise. Even those who truly are empathetic, but don’t label themselves as such! The 5 pillars are a result of hundreds of podcast interviews, research, and data and are common threads across all those who are empathetic and high-performing.

Let’s dig into the third one: Clarity

What Is Clarity? 

Ensuring everyone is on the exact same page through clear communication, expectations, feedback, and understanding of job roles, all of which roll up to an action- able mission statement and meaningful company values.

Why Is Clarity Important? 

Resentments build where misunderstandings thrive. One of the biggest reasons leaders and workers butt heads is lack of communication on mission, roles, and responsibilities. When people know what’s expected of them—including in emergencies and on an as-needed basis— they are less likely to become disgruntled or even feel entitled. Clarity helps people feel seen, heard, and valued; reduces the likelihood of conflict; and enables everyone to work together more effectively.

Clarity is so underrated. And woefully underused.

Sure, plenty of leaders talk a good game about its importance, but plenty more shy away from actually creating clarity when things get diplomatically dicey. 

Here are five strategies to try to be more clear. More details, examples, and tactics to try can be found in The Empathy Dilemma, so don’t forget to snag your presale copy now!

  1. Revisit Purpose and Values

Clarity on minutiae won’t mean bupkis if your teams don’t have foundational clarity on the company’s purpose and values. And neither leaders nor employees will be able to act compassionately if the shared purpose and values are confusing or vague.

  1. Clarify Roles and Expectations

How many people review their job descriptions after they’ve been hired? The number probably approaches zero, except during annual review periods. Given that, consider what you can do to ensure your team members understand and agree to their roles and responsibilities. Think beyond the job description to how you can clearly articulate the team’s rules of engagement. Have these discussions. Document them. And revisit often.

  1. Link Clarity to Accountability

You can’t hold people accountable if they’re not clear on their expectations and goals. Otherwise, what are they being held accountable to? Everyone on your team should be able to say,

“I clearly understand my contribution, I clearly understand that I’m accountable for this piece of the puzzle, and I’m accountable for how I show up every day.”

  1. Tell People Why

Leaders are busy and overwhelmed, which means they often convey what needs to be done and when but omit the reason why. Lacking a reason why, people feel disrespected or kept in the dark. This amounts to an empathy gap, and one that can be closed quickly and easily with clear explanations. They may not like the answer, but at least they understand why the ask is being made.

  1. Ask Better Questions

Little-known fact: clarity doesn’t come from having the right answer; it comes from asking the right questions. This can include knowing the right prompts when someone approaches you with a concern or problem. 

To better understand these deceptively simple strategies in detail, please check out The Empathy Dilemma for stories from leaders, and tactics to put these strategies into practice. 

These 5 pillars will transform how your team engages, performs, innovates, delivers for you and your customers.  

Enjoy special pre-sale and launch bonuses – click here now to check them out!

Check out more about the book here: www.TheEmpathyDilemma.com.

Photo Credit: David Travis, Unsplash

3 Reasons Why Cutting Your Training Budget Will Cost You Dearly

Posted on by Red Slice

When times get tough, our family knows it’s time to sit down and review the credit card statements to see where our money is going. We think in terms of essentials and nice-to-haves. We must make difficult decisions. We must look at alternate ways to get things done. And we must make sacrifices.

Organizations are going through this process right now. The challenge lies in what to consider essential or a luxury. And it’s not always as easy as we like to think.

The tendency is to cause long-term pain in the name of short-term gain. It might look nice and pretty on the balance sheet to cut things that appear non-revenue generating. But stop for a minute: What about the long-term impact of those decisions?

Consider shoes. Yes, shoes. What I have learned in my life is that a bargain in the short term is foolish in the long term. I can opt for the cheaper pair of trendy shoes because it feels good to my wallet at that point. But after wearing them four times, they are trashed. They come apart. They hurt my feet. Because I scrimped on quality for the short-term cash savings.

Contrast that to investing in a well-made, more expensive pair of shoes. I have shoes in my closet I have had for YEARS. They still look great, they hold together, they don’t hurt my feet so I actually wear them more often than I ever wore those cheaper shoes. In the long run, my investment was smarter.

Can you compare company line items to shoes? Yes, you can, when leaders are making the same short-term sacrifices and not thinking about sustainable, long-term value.

For example, professional development. Training.

To some, it makes total sense to cut out these investments because, really, how will they help us make our numbers this quarter? We need everyone out Selling! Making! Shipping!

Especially after a hard layoff, such programs can feel especially overindulgent. How can we justify cutting those jobs when we are investing in programs like communication, collaboration, empathy, critical thinking, or emotional intelligence, leaders think?

Here are 3 reasons why cutting professional development will cost you:

  1. You won’t be able to expand your leadership capacity to solve problems effectively and get work done.

Investing in leadership capacity will be the smartest long-term investment you can make to ensure everything else you do runs at full power. It’s the lever you can’t overinvest in! When your leaders are strong, they can make magic happen with whatever they are given. Resilient in the face of change. Able to pivot and adapt quickly to whatever the market throws at them. They will inspire and motivate in the tough times. They will be more innovative and resourceful. They will get the job done.

  1. You won’t be able to retain and attract the best talent who is looking for an organization to invest in their development.

You feel like you’ve kept your best people after a round of cost-cutting. Great. What do you think they want? They want to know they are still with a company that is investing in them. Research shows that up-and-coming talent desires flexibility and professional development far above other perks. If they don’t get either, they are gone. Plus, your organization won’t look very attractive to anyone you want to hire to replace them when they leave. You’ll constantly be playing catch up – not to mention the added cost and expense of churn and recruitment, plus the lost learning curve. Do you really want to go there right now?

  1. You won’t maximize the people you have left to give them an edge. To help them innovate, problem-solve, stay motivated.

After a tough layoff, you will have less people left. Doing the same amount, if not more work. If you want to be really analytical about it, you have limited resources left, So don’t you want those resources working at optimal capacity? If you have three cars and you sell two off, don’t you want to invest in the care and maintenance of the one car you have left so it performs at its best?

If you are looking at training and professional development as a “nice to have” you may want to re-evaluate. Is all that extra headache and cost in turnover, low productivity, and lost market opportunities really worth what you think you “saved” in cutting these programs?

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Why is Self-Care Important to Empathetic Leadership?

Posted on by Red Slice

Self-care is more than just manis, pedis, and massages. It is vital to helping leaders embrace both empathy while also making tough business decisions, holding people accountable, and setting high performance standards.

Self-care is the second of the five pillars in my upcoming book, The Empathy Dilemma: How Success Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries, coming September 10 (pre-sale offers down below!). 

What are the Five Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership?

These are common traits and behaviors seen over and over again in the successful empathetic leaders I interview, speak to, and advise. Even those who truly are empathetic, but don’t label themselves as such! The 5 pillars are a result of hundreds of podcast interviews, research, and data and are common threads across all those who are empathetic and high performing.

Let’s dig into the second one: Self-Care

What is self-care exactly? Taking care of yourself means enforcing strong boundaries, taking time to recharge, delegating, resting, and stewarding one’s own mental health as a leader.

It matters because depleted leaders are ineffective leaders.

 It can be tempting to shoulder additional burdens in the name of empathy, but in the end you are doing yourself and your team a disservice. True empathy means treating yourself as well as you should your employees.

It means getting your own house in order so you have the capacity to meet other perspectives with curiosity, not defensiveness or fear.

When you are running with little in your tank, you know how you get: Short-tempered. Frustrated. Impatient. Maybe hangry. 

None of that provides fertile soil for empathy to take root. You’re too stuck in self-preservation mode to see anyone else’s point of view or actively listen and support them. Everyone’s opinion is annoying. Everyone needs to just leave you alone and do their work. Not the best environment for making sound and collaborative decisions that move the business forward.

Decades ago, I had a manager who was constantly stressed to the point that she isolated herself in her office. Every time I tried to talk about work we needed to do or strategic decisions we had to make, she would sigh with a pained expression on her face. Like I was interrupting her. Even when I had to report progress, needed direction, had ideas to make our work better or  offered to take something off her plate. She didn’t seem to know how to collaborate or delegate. I know she was very skilled at the work, but who knows what was going on in her personal life. I mean, it’s very likely I just rubbed her the wrong way, but she did this with everyone. 

She ended up burning out at that job and abruptly leaving, with all of us holding the bag. It was clear she put everything else before her own needs, but she also didn’t take a break, create connections (part of taking care of yourself) or set boundaries with our unreasonably demanding CEO  (all of which are part of self care) and it showed up in making her whole team miserable.

Based on the first pillar, Self-Awareness, you now know what you best need to operate at full capacity. Use that information to start taking better care of yourself so you have the capacity to look outward and be there for your team.

So how do you get better at self-care? 

  • Honor who you are
  • Seek support and advice
  • Recharge and renew

To better understand these deceptively simple strategies in detail, please check out The Empathy Dilemma for stories from leaders, and tactics to put these strategies into practice. 

These 5 pillars will transform how your team engages, performs, innovates, delivers for you and your customers.  

Enjoy special pre-sale and launch bonuses – click here now to check them out!

Check out more about the book here: www.TheEmpathyDilemma.com.

Photo Credit: Aaron Andrew Ang on Unsplash

How Does Self-Awareness Lead to Empathy?

Posted on by Red Slice

The book is coming! September 10 is the day that The Empathy Dilemma: How Successful Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries hits shelves to help leaders dedicated to people-centered practices to get the best performance possible balance the demands of the business with the needs of their people.

For the next 5 months, I’ll be devoting a monthly blog post and podcast episode on one of the 5 core pillars of EFFECTIVE empathetic leaders, outlined in the book. See, I emphasize EFFECTIVE because it’s not just about being empathetic – you have to actually perform, deliver, and get results, too. You as a leader can and must balance empathy with accountability. And today we’re going to talk about the first step to accomplish that..

This is the hurdle that gets in many a leader’s way. They think they have to CHOOSE between empathy and high performance. Compassion and ambition. Both/And, not Either/Or. Never realizing that empathy is the catalyst – when it’s actually being shown – that leads to engagement, innovation, and results.

How can leaders balance performance, people, and personal boundaries? It’s sometimes a delicate question. My new empathy book offers guidance on the healthy and productive ways leaders can deal with the unique challenges they’re facing in trying to balance it all.

What are the Five Pillars of Effective Empathetic Leadership?

These are common traits and behaviors seen over and over again in the successful empathetic leaders I interview, speak to, and advise. Even those who truly are empathetic, but don’t label themselves as such! The 5 pillars are a result of hundreds of podcast interviews, research, and data and are common threads across all those who are empathetic and high performing.

Let’s dig into the very first one: Self-Awareness.

What do I mean by self-awareness? Understanding your own strengths, blind spots, emotions, leadership style, and triggers. And helping your team members understand theirs. 

Now, you might be saying to yourself, “Hang on, Maria. Isn’t it more important for me to understand my team members? Do I really have to do a bunch of woo-woo self-reflection?”

My answer: both are crucial. And self-reflection is not woo-woo; it’s a smart strategy. You need to cultivate a deep and ever-evolving understanding of your people, as well as of yourself.I t’s not about navel gazing or ego-trips, but having a very honest, clear picture of where you shine and where you fall short. 

Humility goes hand and hand with empathy so you can recognize that someone else may have a different or better perspective. And that means being real about how you show up as well so you can better connect with others. In fact, letting go of your ego and being curious enough to learn and grow is a sure sign that you are truly tapping into your empathy.

Self awareness is an important success skill for leaders because no one leads in a vacuum. 

Your style, preferences, pet peeves, needs, and strengths as a leader will influence every single interaction you have at work. And yet many leaders don’t take the time to understand themselves fully and completely. Self-awareness helps you to understand complaints and constructive feedback, know when you might need help navigating a situation, and take accountability for your actions.

So how do you become more self-aware? 

  • Request input from teammates and colleagues
  • Leverage self-assessment tools, such as the Enneagram, DISC, or Myers Briggs
  • Learn to listen deeply, 

Simple, right? Not! To better understand these strategies and become more self-aware, please check out The Empathy Dilemma for stories from leaders, and tactics to put these strategies into practice. 

These 5 pillars will transform how your team engages, performs, innovates, delivers for you and your customers.  

Enjoy special pre-sale and launch bonuses – click here now to check them out!

Check out more about the book here: www.TheEmpathyDilemma.com.

Photo Credit: Thom Holmes, Unsplash

3 Ways You Can Make Empathy a Habit

Posted on by Red Slice

As science has proven to us, empathy is innate to human beings. It’s just that sometimes, barring specific psychological disorders, that muscle atrophies. Whether it’s because of how you were raised, or your current workplace, or who you surround yourself with, the muscle can lose its tone when empathy is not celebrated, rewarded, or modeled.

And like starting a new fitness routine, we need to tweak our surroundings in order to support this new habit we want to develop. It’s like stocking the fridge with healthy food so you can easily make better choices about your nutrition!

I’ve been listening to Atomic Habits by James Clear, which is amazing. In it, he talks about needing to change your environment and context in order to create habits that stick.

So how does this apply to building a habit of empathy?

Well, we can’t always easily replace our colleagues, managers, family, or friends! But we can develop an awareness of how they may or may not be showing up with empathy that supports our own desire for transformation. And we can make our own small changes to increase our chances for success.

If you’re falling back on negative, old, outdated leadership models, what can you do to physically, psychologically, and emotionally change your context to cultivate more empathy?

Try these ideas:

  1. Make a commitment to bring empathy to all your interactions as best you can: You can only control yourself. Be the model in the conversation so you “train “people you work with that this is how you want the interactions to go. For example, ask more questions. Reflect back what someone says before you launch into your perspective to make sure you’re on the same page and you heard them right. Ask about how people are doing and really listen before diving into business right away. These subtle cues will get noticed and people will start to recognize that when they interact with you, they need to take a pause, see the other person, and engage in active listening.
  1. Share your empathy-building goals – out loud:  Clarity is one of the five pillars to being an effective empathic leader that I talk about in my forthcoming book, The Empathy Dilemma: How Successful Leaders Balance Performance, People, and Personal Boundaries. Don’t make assumptions. If you have a goal to be more empathetic, share it with your team and colleagues  Something like, “To help this team feel more engaged and be more successful, I’m setting a new habit for myself and I would so appreciate your support. I’m working on strengthening my empathy so that I can be a more connected leader for you. So if you feel that I’m not seeing or hearing you in our interactions, please call me out on it. Maybe you’ll all join me in this effort to bring more empathy into our team dynamic.”
  1. Change your routine, context, or environment: You can get creative on this one. It could be something as simple as a sticky note on your laptop that reminds you to “Ask 3 questions before starting anything in a one-to-one meeting.” Or revamping meetings to make space for not just on-the-fly brainstorming that benefits extroverts, but journaling time before offering ideas to support introverts. Or creating a rule that no meeting can take place without an agenda and any materials to review sent ahead of time. Implement a way for all team members to give feedback that feels safe and encouraged. Take a poll of your team and find out the best times to hold weekly meetings so you are supporting all lifestyle needs of parents, disabled team members, or those who handle elder care. Recognize someone each week who has exhibited empathy with a colleague or customer so that it becomes a public celebration.

Building an empathy habit does not require massive disruption. It’s in the small steps that we make progress. Find those small and easy opportunities to change your environment and context so your empathy habit can better stick.

Photo credit: Unsplash