According to a CPP global human capital study, 89% of employees let their conflicts with co-workers escalate. My guest today, Kristine Scott, is out to build a future where the energy of conflict gets harnessed to create pro-social change, not division.
Kristine shares how she got into this work of coaching teams on how to resolve conflict and what she learned from young people on the street dealing with conflict effectively. We talk about why most of us prefer to avoid conflict and the false narrative we tell ourselves about our ability to emotionally connect. Kristine offers a 3-step formula for resolving conflict and gives examples of it in action. We also discuss how self-awareness and self-reflection are the keys to effectively handling conflict while also protecting your own mental health.
To access this episode transcript, please scroll down below.
Key Takeaways:
- Most people prefer to avoid conflict because they think they’re bad at it. We are more likely to remember the times we failed at conflict resolution, not the times we handled it successfully.
- If there’s something that regularly gets under your skin, take a deeper look. Understand whether it is the action that is bothering you, or if it is what that action represents that is a trigger.
- Supervisors assume the conflict is repaired more often than it is, which can lead to performance issues and tension within the organization.
- Conflict often arises because people don’t feel heard. You can’t always solve the problem, but you can always listen with empathy and help them understand that they’re heard.
“We all have our weak points about the things that really get under our skin, and we lose all objectivity. We can work on that old stuff. We can get support, do a little therapy, and come back to not be so reactive.”
— Kristine Scott
Episode References:
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About Kristine Scott, Chief Trainer, Seattle Conflict Resolution
Kristine Scott is the founder and chief trainer for Seattle Conflict Resolution. She has taken over 20 years of lessons from high-incident social service settings and distilled truths and techniques in non-violent conflict response. What began as training for staff and volunteers became so popular she was sought out by hotels, doctors’ offices, and others. She founded the company in 2018 and is now the go-to trainer for Seattle Space Needle and Seattle Farmers Markets. Her customers return because she helps them use conflict to build loyalty through compassionate boundary setting.
As of 2024, Ms. Scott has trained over 37,000 people. She promotes a future where the energy of conflict gets harnessed to create pro-social change, not division. In addition to being a trainer, Kristine is also a regular podcast guest, and media source (USA Today).
Connect with Kristine:
Seattle Conflict Resolution: seattleconflictresolution.com
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kristinemariescott
Course for Customer Service professionals; Angry Customers, Happy Resolutions available at seattleconflictresolution.com
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FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:
Welcome to the empathy edge podcast the show that proves why cash flow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. I’m your host Maria Ross. I’m a speaker, author, mom, facilitator and empathy advocate. And here you’ll meet trailblazing leaders and executives, authors and experts who embrace empathy to achieve radical success. We discuss all facets of empathy from trends and research to the future of work to how to heal societal divisions and collaborate more effectively. Our goal is to redefine success and prove that empathy isn’t just good for society, it’s great for business.
Did you know that according to a CPP global human capital study, 89% of employees let their conflicts with coworkers escalate. Not exactly the optimal performance environment is it? My guest today is how to build a future where the energy of conflict gets harnessed to create pro social change, not division. Christine Scott is the founder and chief trainer for Seattle conflict resolution. She’s taken more than 20 years of lessons from high incident social service settings, and distilled truths and techniques in nonviolent conflict response. What began as training for staff and volunteers became so popular she was sought out by hotels, doctors offices, and other customer service organizations. Christine is now the go to trainer for Seattle Space Needle, and Seattle farmers markets as well as other customer service organizations. Her clients returned because she helps them use conflict to build loyalty through compassionate boundary setting. As of 2024, Christine has trained over 37,000 people and as a regular podcast guest and media source for publications such as USA Today. Today, Christine shares how she got into this work of coaching teams on how to resolve conflict, she shares her encounter with the Seattle fleece that showcases her long commitment to social work and counseling. Christine also shares what she learned from young people on the street for dealing with conflict effectively, we discuss why most of us prefer to avoid conflict and the false narrative we tell ourselves about our ability to emotionally connect. Christine offers a three step formula for resolving conflict, and gives examples of it in action and customer service scenarios. We also talk about how self awareness and self reflection are the keys to effectively handling conflict, while also protecting your own mental health. We talked about what your employees need after a particularly tough customer service conflict so that they can move on to serving other customers effectively. And I bet many of you are not implementing this. So lots of great useful nuggets today. Take a listen. welcome Christine Scott to the empathy edge podcast where we’re going to talk about all things conflict resolution today.
Kristine Scott 03:05
Thank you. I’m excited to be here.
Maria Ross 03:06
So tell us a little bit about your story and the wonderful story that you have to share about your interaction with the Seattle Police. That is so interesting, and instrumental to your history and your expertise and your work. But how did you come to the work of conflict resolution?
Kristine Scott 03:25
Well, there was a stormy night that I got pulled over for speeding, which is kind of a bad habit of mine. And the officer took my license and disappeared for a long time. And you know, when that happens, it’s a long time. That means you’re getting a ticket, right? Yeah. Well, he comes back and he says, You have got to be the unluckiest person I have ever met. I’m like, Yeah, because I got a speeding ticket. And he’s like, No, because you’ve witnessed one arson, and two assaults and three overdoses and domestic violence. And like he starts listing all of these things, that I realized, Oh, you’re talking about times that I’ve call 911. From the shelter that I run, you know, somebody in social services, I didn’t realize that they were keeping track of the 911. Caller, right. That’s what I just explained, like, I run this, you know, the state’s largest shelter for homeless young adults. And so we have a lot of crazy stuff that goes down. So he hands me back my license, and I got no ticket that night. Oh. And I was just like, wow, that was that was really unexpected.
Maria Ross 04:34
And so how did you get into this work of being such a, you know, you’re involved in so much almost like social work? I know. It’s not officially social work, but maybe it is. But this work of helping people in some of their worst moments. It feels like
Kristine Scott 04:47
I think, you know, we’re always drawn to the thing. That is our unresolved thing, right? Like, I grew up in a violent home. And so my unresolved thing was around power and control and how do you handle it when Things get scary, or people are using their power in a way that’s not healthy, healthy. And so I was attracted to social work. And I spent many years running nonprofits, including the shelter and group homes and meal programs. And I was constantly figuring out, like, how do I react, and I would either get way too aggressive or way too passive, and it wasn’t going great. And I started, fortunately watching young people who lived on the streets, and learning from them how they handled conflict. And they were doing much better at it than I was. Wow.
Maria Ross 05:36
Wow, that’s so interesting. We always think about helping them right. And there they are teaching you what, what was it about their ability to deal with it that you learned from?
Kristine Scott 05:48
Well, one thing that they had that I didn’t have is they had better threat assessors, right, like a lot of us, we listen to our bodies, our bodies tell us that there’s a threat to our life, we freak out. And we just assume that it really is a threat to our life, when in fact, it’s just a piece of coworker. And in fact, it’s just a boss who’s having a bad day like, like we, we internalize that alarm bell and think Oh, my God, I’m gonna die, right. And the young people who lived on the streets, their lives really were on the lines. They really had to get better threat assessors. So I watched them handle stuff without breaking a sweat, because it was just a part of their everyday existence. Wow. And
Maria Ross 06:35
so when did you start the Seattle Conflict Resolution Center?
Kristine Scott 06:39
It was after I’d been training people for my shelter, like my shoulder needed to expand, we were turning people away. So I had the tough choice, though. Like, well, I don’t have a staffing budget, but I do have this capital fund. So I’m going to do these construction improvements to my shelter and use a whole bunch of University of Washington student volunteers instead of a staff team, right? Instead of paying a whole bunch of people, I’m going to rely on staff to run the state’s largest slice sleepover for homeless young people. Wow, isn’t that a great idea? I had to learn how to train college students who are the same age as our shelter guests how to conflict, because I had started to figure it out myself by then. So I started like, Well, how do I train these guys, because my staffing budget relies on this volunteer cadre. So basically, I got really good at training other people how to handle conflict, and word spread. And soon other nonprofits started reaching out to me. And soon other corporations are reaching out and said, Hey, like Seattle Space Needle was like my first customer. Can you come and train our elevator operators on how to handle conflict? So so it just grew organically? I didn’t ever set out to become the queen of conflict, because it was, you know, like, 20 years ago, my my very worst thing. Right? Right. Well, so
Maria Ross 08:00
let’s dig into that. Because I think there’s a lot of people that believe that that’s their Achilles heel is conflict resolution, they label themselves as conflict averse, or I’m not very emotionally intelligent. dealing with conflict is really hard for me. So what are those myths that keep us stuck? And actually resolving conflict and being able to move forward together?
Kristine Scott 08:23
That is a great question, Maria. And first off, I want to point out that that’s really common. There was a study done that showed 89% of employees let their conflicts with coworkers escalate, that they would rather let it get worse than handle it because they’re so afraid of conflict going poorly. Wow. Reason why we assume that we’re bad at conflict is the kind of the way our memory works. We only remember the things that don’t go well. Like, you know, if you’ve had that perfect day, do you remember that perfect day? No, you remember that sucky day, right? You remember, things suck. And unresolved conflict feels gross in your body, it you feel that lack of resolution? Hmm. But when you resolve conflict successfully, it barely makes a blip in your memory, it doesn’t get stored in your long term memory the same way that unresolved conflict does. So we walk around like with a story, right? The symbology that, oh, I’m bad at conflict. And I have no emotional awareness at all. Like, no, you’re just remembering, you know, the five times last year that that you didn’t resolve conflict, and there were probably 800 that you did.
Maria Ross 09:35
Exactly, because the ones that didn’t was what kept you up at night. Mm hmm, exactly. And so what is it about? I feel like this persona out there and I grew up in a very loud, boisterous Italian family, and we were very we were not conflict averse. But in a very, like, we’d let it all out and then it would be over and then we’d move on and being married to a British person now. was raised very differently. It stays with him. Right. He, you know, I’ve already forgotten about the thing that happened yesterday, you know, and he’s still processing it. So what is it about certain people, that they’re able seemingly to handle conflict or disagreement or tension with such grace and calm? Like, what is their secret?
Kristine Scott 10:22
Yeah, yeah, I, I’ve kind of broken, broken it down to a formula for folks, they do three things in a certain sequence, usually the conflict will get resolved. And the first thing they need to do is validate the other person, the other person is going to have some big feelings. And when we have big feelings, we feel really isolated. Having somebody else say, Wow, I’d be upset, if that happened to me, just totally takes the air out of the attention just leaves because you validated. And that’s what we all need, we need validation. If you want to validate them, then you state your boundary, I can help you with this. Like, for example, one of my clients right now has this beautiful glass gallery. So the all was hand blown, very fragile, very expensive art. And families come through this gallery with kids that are running and screaming. And you know, the people who put on the gallery displays have chosen not to put big giant signs that say, do not touch the glass out of aesthetic concerns, right? So now all of their staff have to be that person that tells them no patch the glass. And so what I what I’ve trained them to do is like, go up to them and say, oh, yeah, that’s, that’s one of my favorite pieces, I could see why you want to touch that, again, validate them, before you put the next part of the phase, which is boundary, here’s the boundary, like, I’m so sorry that you can’t touch that piece. There are some pieces in our gift shop that you can touch of that. So you’re you’re validating the thing that they want to do the emotion that that needs to like get named, then you’re setting the boundary. And then the last stage is either offer support or offer options, sometimes both, right? So so the gift gift shop is an option, right? There’s this thing you can do if you really need to touch class, you can go do it in our gift shop. Right, right? Or like, Hey, would you like to learn more about about the artist? Because I see that you’re really curious about this piece?
Maria Ross 12:37
That’s such a nice diplomatic way of saying.
Kristine Scott 12:40
Yeah, but but again, because we have this idea, like, oh, I suck at conflict, I can handle this. Like, no, no, no, we just have to do kind of like what your book talks about Maria around empathy, like, once we have that sense of ourselves, and that compassion for ourselves is so much easier to give it to somebody else. And just like, Okay, I don’t like their behavior. But I know that we all do that. I know, we all do stuff we don’t like, right. And so
Maria Ross 13:07
in that in those interactions, like being a hot headed person myself, my challenge is normally that the the instant escalation that happens in my body, and in my tone and in, like, instead of being able to ground myself and be the voice of calm, I match the person I’m dealing with what is some advice you have for people or leaders who are you know, they’re dealing with a with an upset worker, who’s, you know, I’m so mad about this new return to work policy. And obviously, you know, these three steps are great, but how do you what is the internal work that needs to be done to make sure that you have the cognitive ability, the executive functions firing, so you can do those
Kristine Scott 13:51
three steps? You’re exactly right. It’s just like CPR first aid, you cannot enter the scene. If you are not in that in that green zone and that safe like, okay, I’m okay, I know, I’m safe. I know, I’m not under attack. I know my life is not being threatened right now. Like, and that that takes some self awareness. I really like that. That’s the pillar in your new book that’s coming out that self awareness piece because yes, the first step, your last American, right, like, you know, like, Okay, I’m Maria, I’m feeling I’m feeling something about what’s going on here. I’m probably not the right person to deescalate this other folk, you know, I just have to do it for myself. First, you have to deescalate yourself first. And part of how I train people is like what are the signs of their fight flight freeze system taking over? What are some things that they can do to sidestep it taking over? And, you know, we’ve done we’ve done enough neuroscience now that we have learned that we can actually sidestep a full blown fight flight freeze takeover of our body with something as simple Let’s deep breaths, the nerve endings on the outsides of our lungs. Once they stretch out apart from each other, they actually tell your body Oh, everything’s okay. Crisis averted? And I know that sounds really hokey. Ooh, do you bros knew to do, but I swear by
Maria Ross 15:17
them? Because they does. There’s something it’s what do they call the somatic system? I don’t I’m not using the terminology correctly. But the parasympathetic nervous system, it’s it does, because we’re fighting the evolutionary instinct that’s been bred into us that the Tigers going to eat me. Exactly. When we’re in a situation where the tiger is not going to eat you. It’s just your boss telling you, you have to come into the office three days a week, like, Nobody’s life is being threatened right now. But your body doesn’t know the difference. Your brain doesn’t know the difference. And so it’s almost like we need these. I hate the word hacks. But we need these like shortcuts to, to douse water on our own innate instincts to respond in a certain way. And I think that’s the, that’s I for me, it’s the biggest challenge, I’m sure it’s a lot of the biggest challenge for people who are listening is to, how do you catch yourself in that moment, and I, the awareness does go a long way. Because if you start to feel your blood pressure going up, if you start to feel your heart hammering a little more, for me, it’s if I feel like I instantly want to jump in and correct the person. I know that that’s okay. You’re getting escalated here, like take a breath. But it doesn’t always work.
Kristine Scott 16:37
That’s where I tell people keep track of those things that get under your skin. Because that’s your body’s way of telling you. There might be something from your past that you haven’t healed. No, as a person who was raised in an explosive home. Guess who freaked out every time somebody larger than me was screaming at me. Like, I had to do some work around that.
Maria Ross 16:58
So yeah, I mean, that’s that is the thing is looking back at what, you know, like, this is such a silly example. But my empathy seems to go out the window. Sometimes when I’m in a, when I’m in a line, like a coffee shop line, or a checkout line. And my sense of, of indignation, and righteousness is just triggered when people cut the line, whether they mean to or not. And instead of my first assumption being I don’t know that they meant to do that. It’s this. I just can’t not say anything. But I’ve learned to just be like, you know, much kinder about it and be like, let’s assume the person didn’t know, because I’ve done it to where I did. I didn’t know I didn’t see the line over there. But it’s but I’ve explored that for myself of like, Why? Why do we get so mad when people cut the line? And it’s not even about them cutting the line, it actually stems back to my sense of fairness. And my sense of like, No, I’m following the rules. So other P and all of us are following the rules. Everybody should follow the rules. And so it’s just one example. But it’s looking back at like, it’s not actually the thing that’s triggering me, it’s what the thing represents. And I’m sure other people can think of examples for themselves of like, that moment, or that action that gets under their skin. Is it actually that thing that’s bothering you? Or is it what it represents?
Kristine Scott 18:22
Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. And you do that very well.
Maria Ross 18:26
Yeah. I mean, and I know, you know, when it comes to leadership, and we’re the work environment, you know, we think, Oh, it’s work, right? It’s not personal. But those triggers abound in the workplace. And one that I know I’ve talked to a few leaders about, especially female leaders, is that they get, they get very triggered by not being understood. Like if their words are twisted, or if their words are just innocently misunderstood. It’s a trigger for them. Because when, as they were growing up, as they were coming up in the ranks, not being understood seriously was it was a sore spot for them. And so it, it could cause them to explode if they’re not careful. So I want to go on, I’m going on and on, because I love what you’re talking about. When we do deal with conflict. And we’re, we’re strong enough when we’re facing it. When we do tackle it, there’s times where it may not get better. So tell us a little bit about what happens to people after difficult conversations, especially if it didn’t go well. And we’re, you know, we’re we’re brushing up on all the tips you’re giving us we’re doing all the self awareness, but it’s not a magic bullet. It doesn’t mean the situation is going to go well or it’s going to get resolved or everybody’s going to be happy. So what do we do for ourselves post
Kristine Scott 19:44
engagement. Now, I really encourage folks that if you do have that fight, flight, freeze takeover, like if you feel all those things going on in your body, that within the next 24 hour period. I want them to do some type of physical activity, at least 10 Minutes of elevated heart rate. Studies have shown that if you don’t do that your body starts to associate the circumstances of that conflict with a threat to your life. And so you know, problems with job performance, stress related injury, and illness, all of those things will happen to you, unless you reset your body. And then all obviously, in the time that is going on, that a lot of the supervisors and managers I work with, I encourage them give people the opportunity to take a 20 minute break, so that they can fully reset. Because once that mechanism is triggered, it takes 20 minutes of no new stimulation for our parasympathetic nervous system to come back on board. Like the breathing works in the beginning, but once it’s fully gone, it won’t save you. And then the other thing I encourage them to do is do kind of an autopsy about the conflict itself. What was it about the situation that didn’t work? We all have our weak points, like we talked about the things that just really get under our skin, and we lose all objectivity around. Okay, I’m going to make a note of that, and I’m gonna work on that, like, what is it about having people not hear or understand me? That is really, really hard. You know, for example, when I was young, I had a speech impediment. So having people say, what, what did you say? Hugely triggering for me? Yeah, we, we can work on that old stuff, week weekend, get a little support, do a little therapy, and come back and kind of not be so reactive. I think that’s such
Maria Ross 21:38
an important point. Because especially with a lot of the consulting you do around helping customer service representatives, organizations, helping them deal with conflict between themselves and a customer, where you know, what’s on the line is more than just the conflict, you could lose a customer, you can lose revenue, you can, you know, get cancelled all of these things. And so, what I love about that is I don’t think that that’s something that a lot of managers or leaders think about is giving them that, that rest moment, after a particularly tense, conflict with a customer, they just want them to sort of like, okay, shake it off, keep going, especially if you’re in like a phone support center, or something like that, where you know, it’s okay, we got just got to take the next call, we got to take the next call. But I think that that’s a really important point. And I just want to underline that. Because if you want your people to be operating at peak performance, and you don’t want that one conflict, to negatively impact the rest of the customers that that person is dealing with for the rest of the day, it’s in your best interest to just take 10 minutes, 20 minutes and give that person a break. And so what about a leader? Let’s like I know, again, a lot of your work is around helping with conflict between customers and workers. But if you’re a leader, and you have a conflict with someone that you manage, and supervise, or vice versa, you have a conflict with your manager or supervisor, what is the best way forward? On, you know, let’s say you do kind of go to your corners and have a timeout, what’s the best way forward to come back and repair, especially when there’s a power dynamic? Right.
Kristine Scott 23:18
One thing to notice about the power dynamic is the data suggests that people who are the supervisor, assume that conflict is repaired more often than it actually is. So, so know that if you are dealing with a conflict with a report to your bias may be working against you. And that person may not feel resolved, and is much more likely to talk badly about you and have other performance issues, but not actually tell you that the conflict is not resolved. So I really encourage folks like if you feel any kind of tension with somebody that reports to you pull in us maybe a second set of eyes, somebody you trust around, hey, what do you notice about so and so and, you know, this is how our last conversation went? Do you think I’m missing something like ombudsman room safe reporting, all those other things that you can add to the situation. And when it’s your own supervisor, I really encourage people to manage up as best as they can. And just keep on being an advocate for like the the language I like to use is our working relationship is gold. We need to really honor and support and treat it well. And I see this as a threat to our working relationship being healthy. This this this you know, this seems like a minor topic, but it really is important to me like I had the last time I was a director, I had somebody who really wanted a stand up desk. And my little brain couldn’t figure out how to fit a stand up desk in in the small office that he was in and I Just after he brought it up the third time I realized, you know, this, me figuring out isn’t isn’t as important as me hearing what he needs and saying, Yes, I will, I will buy it, you figure out how to make it work. Right. Right. Yeah, he
Maria Ross 25:16
just wanted to be heard. I mean, that’s part of it. It’s I feel like there are so many things. I mean, some things are genuine conflicts and points of contention. But a lot of these things happen simply because someone doesn’t feel heard, and then escalates. And it again, as I always say, it doesn’t mean you have to do what the person asks or says, it’s just about being able to listen and help them feel heard. And I know that that’s hard for people because they go, Okay, so I’m, I’m listening, but I’m never gonna give the person what they want. So why bother? And so what would you say to that in terms of like helping it, helping avoid an escalation or avoid a conflict? Now, what if that is the response from an executive, your coaching or a leader your coaching?
Kristine Scott 25:57
What do you say to them? No, can be the the most connective message you have to give to somebody if you do it? Well. Right? You say? So what I’m what I’m hearing you say, and I would feel that way to who? And here’s my experience of when we’ve tried that, and why I don’t want us to go down that path. And I really honor that you trusted me with this. And I really honor that you’re trying to make improvements around here. So if we can’t make this improvement, are you interested in some other projects that are on my long to do list of things that need to change around here? You know, like, there’s, there’s ways to say no, yes, yes, absolutely. And folks feel heard they feel seen they feel validated. Yeah. And
Maria Ross 26:43
I think that’s where empathy comes in. It’s, again, educating people that empathy doesn’t mean that everyone’s going to be happy. Right? So it’s a method of communicating and connecting. And the goal of it is not conversion, if the goal of it is not to roll over and give the other person what they want. But there’s a way that you can communicate that information, even when it’s a no even when it’s a tough decision, even when it’s hard. Because you’re you’re thinking through what that person might need in that moment. And that is actually our job as leaders, you know, a lot of leaders say, Well, that takes so much time I’ve just got so much to do, and we just got to get going after I don’t have time to coddle it’s not coddling if it’s about creating stronger connections, that’s actually the job of leading.
Kristine Scott 27:24
Yeah, you’re exactly right. Love it.
Maria Ross 27:27
Okay. So, you know,
Kristine Scott 27:29
you always talk about the optimistic
Maria Ross 27:31
view of with a bit of skill, this will always get better, right, and you will get better at helping resolve conflict. So can you share a story with us about an executive that you worked with? And tell us about that? That growth?
Kristine Scott 27:46
That happened? Yeah, I think the first time I was pulled in to a union team, the manager there was pretty burned out. And just act really beleaguered like are the Union wants this and don’t want dad and did it? Any? Yeah, kind of deter
Maria Ross 28:08
just right. Tired and bitter. Yeah.
Kristine Scott 28:13
He did not want to be involved in the details of the SOPs that I set up with this particular team. So I started working with the team and I started like crystallizing what their, what the chips were, to the procedures around their workplace. And they had some really great ideas and some really creative thinking. They just needed a fresh venue. And so when I came back to the manager and said, So what they what they’re saying is this, and what I recommend is that, like, I didn’t have any new ideas, I just basically regurgitated what the team had said, all of a sudden, I saw optimism, and I saw this sense of like, oh, oh, and then the next time I worked with the T team, he sat in on the on the meeting. And then the next time there was more of a lean in, and finally I didn’t even need to be in the room to get with them. Because they were both co creating, they can restore this the sense of balance between him as the guy who held the resources, and they as the ones who, you know, had to make all this work. So what do you think, catalyze that, I think in that case, it was just a fresh perspective. Right? said like, wow, what you’re saying is really valid. Oh, yeah. Well, what you’re seeing is really felt like
Maria Ross 29:38
it was a translator, almost. Yeah. Or mediator? Uh huh.
Kristine Scott 29:40
And also, I brought in some perspective around, like what we talked about earlier around our biology and how, when things don’t go well, we assume really bad things about each other. And some of the assumptions that we’re making about management oh, you should have heard that they said about the management when he was not in the room. Like, I let them vent without giving it credibility. Like it’s okay to like bad mouth because I’m just I’m just this outsider right here underneath that is that you’re really invested in this change or this happening. Hmm. So again, like a little bit inflation, a little bit of entry into.
Maria Ross 30:22
Yeah, I mean, I know you know when I worked in corporate those times I’ve actually told bosses of mine that the moment I stop being the squeaky wheel is the moment I’m disengaged, like the only reason I’m bringing these things up and pointing out how things can get better is because I care. Right? And if I stopped doing that, that’s actually when you need to get worried. Mm hmm. You know, granted, I probably could have done it in a better way. But you know, the point was, I think, sometimes we label these things as Oh, they’re disgruntled, or they’re they’re ungrateful. Titled, yeah, all the things we hear, especially about different generations. But there’s motive behind that. And that’s where empathy can really come in of like, are you actually trying to see what is not being said? Or what is the intent or the the context of the person? That’s not actually the words they’re saying, or the idea they’re sharing, it’s something else under the covers? And that that does take time, and it does take effort, but it’s worth
Kristine Scott 31:25
it? It’s definitely worth it. And Bill Gates said, your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning. 100% Yeah,
Maria Ross 31:36
I look at it as free market research. You know, and I’m gonna put a link in the show notes. I mentioned him in the empathy edge, Jay Baer, who’s a marketing and customer expert, he wrote a fantastic book. This is not quite quite the same thing. But it’s called Hug Your Haters, which is around what do you do with negative reviews with negative feedback from customers? And our instinct is to call them all trolls. Right? They’re not I mean, most of the time, if people are taking the time to complain about something, it’s something pretty important. It’s something that has impacted them, like, we know a troll when we see it, but someone complaining about the service they got at a restaurant. It’s not a troll there. They’re venting there. They feel like they were not appreciated. And so he advises, Pat, first of all, how you respond to that says something about your brand, especially if it’s in a public forum, if it’s on Yelp, or on the internet, but also, there’s gold in in that feedback. And yes, maybe it was an outlying one time that thing happened. But chances are, it
Kristine Scott 32:41
wasn’t. No. Yeah. So okay,
Maria Ross 32:45
so as we wrap up, I just want to hear you again, you work with a lot of customer service organizations, I’m putting you on the spot here for a second, because I know we didn’t necessarily plan on talking about this. But what is one of your biggest aha was for helping a customer service rep. Or a customer success rep or whatever, you know, someone dealing with an angry customer. I know, he gave us the three step method, which is great. But what’s another story or again, the word hack that you love that seems to work magic every time
Kristine Scott 33:15
I help them boil down? Why are they in customer service? Like you chose customer service? Because you really care about people having a good experience is my like, and usually that’s usually that’s, you know, when I’m in the room with people, that’s, you know, that’s what comes up. Yeah. And guess what, you you will stop caring, and you are going to get embittered and an embattled unless you give yourself lots and lots of grace, and really promote your own learning of round how to deal with tricky situations. Because you, your body is just not going to want to be hearing more. No. And then, you know, when I say that, I always ask like, Are there any, like people who’ve been here longer than you that you look at and say, Wow, I don’t ever want to be like so and so? Because they’re just really bitter. Like, yeah, yeah. Don’t let that happen to you. Yeah. Give give yourself permission to go on this journey around how you handle conflict, how you show up with lots of compassion for yourself and for others. And it will transform you, you will become so much better at what you do here and at life.
Maria Ross 34:30
Yeah, getting back to our purpose, right, that Northstar of like, let’s try to remember why we’re here. So, Christine, this has been such a great conversation and I don’t want to leave without telling folks about your wonderful interactive online course. angry customers happy resolutions that’s available on your website. So anyone in customer service anyone who leads a customer service or customer success team will definitely want to check that out. It’s designed for customer service as you have told me Eat, and helps them work on content. They’re weakened based on common conflict scenarios and customer service. So lots of good stuff there. Thank you for your insights today. We will have all your links in the show notes. But where is the one or two best places for folks to connect with you if they’re on the go right now?
Kristine Scott 35:21
Probably LinkedIn and you’re my website. Wonderful.
Maria Ross 35:25
And as I always like to put my little PSA for LinkedIn, if you reach out to Christine on LinkedIn, make sure you send her a note that says that you heard her on the podcast. Christine, thank you and I look forward to more collaborations with you on this topic. Thank you. And thank you everyone for listening to another episode of the empathy edge. Remember, if you like what you heard, you know what to do, rate review and share it with a friend or a colleague. And until next time, always remember that cash flow creativity and compassion are not mutually exclusive. Stay well and be kind.
For more on how to achieve radical success through empathy, visit the empathy edge.com. There you can listen to past episodes, access, show notes and free resources booked me for a Keynote or workshop and sign up for our email list to get new episodes, insights, news and events. Please follow me on Instagram at Red slice Maria. Never forget empathy is your superpower. Use it to make your work and the world a better place.
