“Can you write a book about FEMININE traits as a strategic advantage instead?”
This is what the NYC agent asked me after reviewing my book proposal back in 2017. I was shopping The Empathy Edge around and was on a mission to prove how empathetic leaders, cultures, and teams are a competitive advantage for organizations. The ROI of empathy, as I like to say.
The agent loved my writing, and the #MeToo movement (which started in 2006) had gained massive momentum that year after famous Hollywood actresses spilled the beans on sexual harassment and assault. So publishers were scrambling for books about women, for women. And this agent wanted to serve up a book she thought would get easily sold.
I said, “Sorry, no.”
Yes, I walked away from what might have been a lucrative book deal because it was not the book I wanted to write.
Empathy is a human trait. It’s gender-neutral. We are all born with it to one degree or another – it’s what has helped our species survive. I didn’t want to add to the excuses leaders (mostly men) make about why they can’t be compassionate, listen actively, or support their teams.
I wanted to de-gender empathy and reinforce it as the human trait it is.
The narrative is that masculine energy is dominant, strong, logical, and aggressive. And that female energy is nurturing, creative, collaborative, and soft. But if you read even the most basic of ancient texts, you’ll soon realize that these traits go beyond gender. And that we have BOTH energies within all of us.
It’s the masculine/feminine balance we need to embrace to be a successful leader – and human. This is a great essay on why that balance is so important. The author writes about striving for that balance to be more resilient.
So enter all the scuttlebutt about Mark Zuckerberg’s recent words, that corporate culture has become “neutered” and that we need to bring back more “masculine energy.”
Oh boy.
My empathetic question of Zuckerberg would be what do you mean by masculine energy? Or is that just coded language for white supremacy and patriarchy? Because “masculine energy” has done nothing but create a toxic environment where men are not allowed to feel their feelings, where they have limited choices, and experience loneliness, depression, and suicide at alarming rates.
Where boys can only turn to violence or intimidation to soothe their hurt.
If that’s the masculine energy you’re referring to, we’ll take a hard pass, thank you. We actually need a balance.
If you mean ambition, competitiveness, bravery, strength – I hate to tell you, Mark, but it’s 2025 and women can exhibit all of those traits as well. But thanks for your gender bias. We don’t really need to label these traits masculine or feminine. They are human traits and they belong to us all.
This great Forbes article by Gemma Allen said it best:
“The tech industry’s fascination with “masculine energy” isn’t just about gender. It’s really about power. It’s about who gets to lead, who gets to innovate, and who gets to shape our technological future. When industry leaders like Zuckerberg frame leadership in masculine terms, they’re not just expressing personal preference – they’re reinforcing a status quo, while simultaneously retreating from diversity initiatives. “
This is not about masculine versus feminine energy. It’s about power. Power taken at the expense of women and marginalized communities. Power for WHITE MALES.
Empathy is about seeing diverse points of view, actively listening, and meeting people where they are so they can do their best work. That requires you to put ego aside, it requires compassion. It requires deep self-awareness. Something none of the folks Zuckerberg is currently hanging out with have any desire to do.
What Zuckerberg said was not surprising. He just said the quiet part that the wealthy tech bro community already believes out loud. But in his uninformed statement, he overlooked the value of collaboration, diversity, equity, compassion, listening, and inclusion ON THE BOTTOM LINE.
We need to stop gendering important traits that lead to success. We need to find that balance to achieve our goals, promote mental health, and create opportunity for everyone.
